Back to Myself

Almost a month into my life post grad school I am starting to feel more back to myself, living more in the present and having time to enjoy the adventurous life that makes me so happy. A few days ago I realized that even though I am working long hours here in Guatemala, I still feel happy and content because of the kind of work it is. I am happy living out of a backpack and never knowing what the next day will bring. I feel more at peace with myself when life is simplified in this way. Yesterday it hit me that in the past month I have barely looked in a mirror at all.

The lack of mirrors high in the Sierras at orientation and in our simple homestays in Guatemala may not be directly connected with the rest of my experiences, but it does seem to play a powerful role in how I perceive them. I come from a culture that tells me what beauty is, and that it come from the outside. Although I know that this is backwards, waking up everyday and spending a moment in front of the mirror forces me to consciously or sub consciously judge myself based on what I see. The thing is though, that this reflection does not even start to show the real beauty, but rather the container that holds it.

As I wash my face and brush my teeth in the Pila here in my home in San Jose, I find myself spending that time with the real me, instead of looking at my outside features. I see myself in these moments as well as during my interactions with co-instructors, students and everyone else I meet along the way. The smiling faces, great conversations, big hugs, and moments of silence reflect the true beauty within myself and others.

It is liberating to not see mirrors at every turn tempting me to view my beauty from teh outside, because it is something I cannot change. How wonderful to forget about the reflection and focus on that which makes us what we are, that which we can control, and cultivate allowing to flourish.